[The Listserve] This is difficult
I was sincerely shocked when I learned that I had won the listserv. I never thought this day would come. Anyways, I really just want to share what I’ve learned this summer. I am a university student and I stayed at school for the summer. As a person who believes that there is a purpose in everything, I was wondering exactly what that was. I knew two things: I wanted to recover from a difficult relationship and have assurance that I was on the right path and doing the right thing. This brought me to pray earnestly in May for God to heal, renew, and assure me throughout this summer. In my search for these, I felt pretty purposeless in my summer program. I thrive on feeling fulfilled and this wasn’t cutting it. I had realized that my only true indicator of my purpose was this feeling of fulfillment. That was a scary realization. I believe that God cultivates and sets a divine purpose for every single person and that it exists outside of our feelings and emotions. It is a constant in our ever changing world. Feeling fulfilled is great, but that could be filling the selfish desires that can be self-destructive or meaningless. After coming to this realization, I felt scared and purposeless (far from healed, renewed, and assured). While in this state, I drew away from God and lost my love for cultivating my relationship with Him. I faith was weak. On the lowest point of this, He found me. I was dealing with a routine issue at my on-campus job and helping a student. One of the supervisors for a different department was helping me, but I had never met him before. After addressing the situation, I got up to leave back to my assignment, but this supervisor started to ask some questions and telling about his life. To be honest, I was pretty tired and wanted to escape this small talk. Then he asked me what I wanted to do after I graduated, I told him I wanted to get a PharmD/MPH and work in my home nation of Ethiopia. He responded with, “This is a calling for you, a spiritual calling. A mission.” Then he proceeded to shared that he believed that God wanted Him to speak and said that I was on the right path. As he said that, I began to tear up. The wave of assurance I felt with those words was unimaginable. I thanked him profusely for those words and headed back. I told God that if that was the sole reason why I was here, I was grateful. Not everyone believes in God, but no one can deny what I experienced that day. God came in my lack of commitment, laziness, distraction and chose to give me what I desired despite me. That’s amazing. He is faithful when I am faithless.I really hope this touched someone and would love to talk more with anyone! Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for any questions or any prayer requests.