[The Listserve] Public Safety Announcement
It has come to the department’s attention that rates of rock ownership have skyrocketed in the last few years. In fact, contrary to popular belief, federal law does not permit the sale of rocks as pets. If you pick up one from an enterprising but sketchy vendor, you may have to register with the appropriate office located in your area. The Department of the Interior understands that rocks may be initially cute and cuddly, but be advised that they can grow rapidly, especially pre-adolescent specimens. One naïve Californian picked up what she thought was an authorized, certified and licensed pebble and brought it back home to San Jose. In just a couple of months, that stone piece exploded into full size in her bathroom, angering her landlord and causing her to lose her security deposit.
If you do encounter a rock in the wild, please approach with caution. Do not make any sudden movements, as you may startle or surprise the rock. Quickly remove yourself from the situation and immediately email the Department of the Interior at email@example.com
Thank you, and have an excellent day.
Department of the Interior